Some unfortunate news...

On Thursday I went to my first official OB appointment. I was 11 weeks along. I had been spotting the day before but wasn't too concerned. The doctor gave me an ultrasound, expecting to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. It wasn't good. I had what is called a "blited ovum". Essentially I was pregnant, there just wasn't a baby. The sperm and egg had met, decided there wasn't enough chromosomal information to create a baby, but my body didn't get the memo. So I had all of the pregnancy symptoms, including the ALL DAY sickness.

I had gone to the appointment by myself because David had to work. Those poor people in the doctor's office, I was a mess! I was scheduled for a D&C at 1:45 today. When I was taking a shower before my appointment I started bleeding heavily. David and I got to the hospital and they made me sit and fill out freaking paperwork. I told them that I was bleeding, nonetheless paperwork must be done. I stood up and had bleed all over their upholstered chair. Serves them right! Damn red tape.

I took a couple of steps and the dam broke. They rushed me to the restroom and I lost a few large clots. There were quite a few procedures ahead of me but they got a hold of the doctor and she rushed me to the front of the line. They finally got me hooked up to the I.V. (after several minutes of stabbing my wrist, to eventually settle on my hand). The anaesthesiologist was called from his car in the parking lot and they got me sedated. I am so grateful that David was by my side.

The procedure went very well. Everything was removed and there weren't any abnormalities. I'm feeling pretty good. Ibuprofen works wonders. I tried to get the doc to let me play volleyball tonight, but no go. I am to take it easy for a couple days.

I am very blessed to have great help. David got out of work and was able to go to the hospital with me. This has been pretty tough for him too. I was SO very blessed to have my friend (who also happens to be my aunt) Dianne come down from Idaho Falls to help me. She has been great. She watched Malia for me, helped me get caught up on chores (oh, the piles of laundry!), and even brought meals for us. She has been so great. I don't know how I will ever be able to thank her enough.

My ward has been great too. My visiting teacher brought me flowers. My Relief Society President brought us a meal. I had lots of calls too. My family in Iowa has been ever so phone attentive. David's family has been great too. We have been very blessed to be surrounded (whether it be physically or in spirit) by loving friends and family. Everyone's prayers and thoughts mean so much to us.

I must admit, it's been an emotional time. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it all. Yesterday afternoon I was on my way to hear my baby's heartbeat and today I am not even pregnant. The Lord sure does work in mysterious ways. Eventhough I didn't lose a physical baby, I lost the dream of my baby. We had tried for a bit to get pregnant and I was so excited. Thus, not having the ability to wait and share my news. I am grateful for my testimony of the Lord's hands in all things. I know that He is mindful of me and that all things happen for a reason. It just wasn't the right time for our family. I know David and I will grow from this experience. I am grateful that Malia is young enough that she doesn't really have a clue what is going on. I am just so grateful for her. I think I took for granted what a precious gift she is.

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. My final thought is a quote from Pride & Prejudice, which I am determined to watch tomorrow (A&E version). Mary says, "Misfortunes, we are told, are sent to test our fortitude and often reveal themselves as blessings in disguise." True, true.